So you want to nuke your body hair...
There are four basic ways to remove body hair; trimming, shaving, plucking, and depilating.
There are two more methods of hair removal that I won’t discuss; laser removal and electrolysis. If you are interested in a practically permanent solution, you should research these. However, be prepared to fork over a small fortune to a plastic surgeon. If you’re not into that, keep reading.
Trimming cuts your hair down to a shorter length, but it does not remove all of the hair above the skin. Trimming is fast, effective, and never leaves stubble. However, trimming never gets you really super smooth.
Shaving removes all of the hair above the skin, and it leaves the skin super sexy smooth…. until a few hours later. Because shaving doesn’t remove any hair below the skin, and because hair grows continuously (in cycles at least), stubble starts to form in short order. Shaving can be fast and effective, but only if you have fairly hairless skin to start with.
Plucking comes in several forms; tweezering, waxing, and epilating. Plucking removes the hair above and below the skin by extracting the hair follicle itself. For stubble to form, your hair follicle must grow back, and then the hair must grow long enough to breach the surface of the skin again. This takes about a week. However, plucking can be difficult and time consuming, and it will almost certainly irritate your skin the first couple of times you do it.
Depilating is the chemical removal of hair. There are creams, like Nair and Veet, that literally dissolve your hair while it is on your skin. This has the major advantage of covering a lot of area in a short amount of time. However, this is chemical warfare, and there will be casualties. Depiliatory creams can give you chemical burns (especially on sensitive skin like your genitals, armpits, and butthole. Never put Nair on your scrote). Also, if you have a lot of hair, the chemical reaction might not be able to remove all of your hair before it starts burning your skin. Finally, depilatory creams smell like ammonia, which is nasty.
For biological males (aka “XYs”), an effective hair removal strategy depends on your own personal genetics. Do you have a small forest creature living in your chest hair? You’ll need to crack out the big guns. Are you practically hairless already? You won’t need the whole arsenal. I will present a strategy for the average XY, one who has a little bit of hair everywhere and a lot a bit of hair in some other places.
So let’s get to it.
There are two more methods of hair removal that I won’t discuss; laser removal and electrolysis. If you are interested in a practically permanent solution, you should research these. However, be prepared to fork over a small fortune to a plastic surgeon. If you’re not into that, keep reading.
Trimming cuts your hair down to a shorter length, but it does not remove all of the hair above the skin. Trimming is fast, effective, and never leaves stubble. However, trimming never gets you really super smooth.
Shaving removes all of the hair above the skin, and it leaves the skin super sexy smooth…. until a few hours later. Because shaving doesn’t remove any hair below the skin, and because hair grows continuously (in cycles at least), stubble starts to form in short order. Shaving can be fast and effective, but only if you have fairly hairless skin to start with.
Plucking comes in several forms; tweezering, waxing, and epilating. Plucking removes the hair above and below the skin by extracting the hair follicle itself. For stubble to form, your hair follicle must grow back, and then the hair must grow long enough to breach the surface of the skin again. This takes about a week. However, plucking can be difficult and time consuming, and it will almost certainly irritate your skin the first couple of times you do it.
Depilating is the chemical removal of hair. There are creams, like Nair and Veet, that literally dissolve your hair while it is on your skin. This has the major advantage of covering a lot of area in a short amount of time. However, this is chemical warfare, and there will be casualties. Depiliatory creams can give you chemical burns (especially on sensitive skin like your genitals, armpits, and butthole. Never put Nair on your scrote). Also, if you have a lot of hair, the chemical reaction might not be able to remove all of your hair before it starts burning your skin. Finally, depilatory creams smell like ammonia, which is nasty.
For biological males (aka “XYs”), an effective hair removal strategy depends on your own personal genetics. Do you have a small forest creature living in your chest hair? You’ll need to crack out the big guns. Are you practically hairless already? You won’t need the whole arsenal. I will present a strategy for the average XY, one who has a little bit of hair everywhere and a lot a bit of hair in some other places.
So let’s get to it.
Overview
Here is what you will absolutely need:
Here is what you should get if you can afford to:
Here is the basic strategy:
- A beard trimmer with an adjustable guard.
- A 3-5 blade razor, preferably one marketed to women.
- Some body shaving cream for sensitive skin, again preferably marketed to women
- Fragrance free body lotion. Lubriderm, eucerin, palmer’s cocoa butter, etc.
Here is what you should get if you can afford to:
- A single blade razor for sensitive skin, again marketed to women
- A dual head epilator, like the Emjoi Emagine
- A bottle of depilatory cream like Nair or Veet.
- A pair of eyebrow plucking tweezers
Here is the basic strategy:
- Trim and/or depilate
- Shave
- Lotion
- Epilate (optional)
- Lotion
- Maintenance, aka repeat 2-6.
Trimming
Key point: Remove as much hair as you can before you shave.
I recommend trimming with the guard off. As long as you don't push the trimmer into squishy areas (scrote), it won’t cut you. Trim everything from the neck down, except your nards and arms. This will leave you with <1/8” (<3mm) of hair everywhere.
Make sure to do that somewhere that is easy to clean up. Like a bath tub.
As for nards, they are up to personal preference. I prefer to keep a little triangle bush of ~1/4” (~6mm) hair. Others fancy a landing strip or nothing at all. Whatever your preference, make sure to trim the parts you want to shave as much as possible before you shave them.
Arm hair is an often overlooked part of feminizing your body. I don't shave mine. It looks a little weird, especially when the stubble starts coming in. And, after all, XX women have plenty of arm hair. I trim mine down to the 1/8” (3mm) to 1/4" (6mm) range. This thins it out to look more feminine without making me look I have alopecia.
I don’t really recommend depilation because it’s kind of dangerous. You can give yourself chemical burns, forfucksake. But, if you require desperate measures, it can be a life saver. Trim first to make the cream more effective. If this is your first time, do small jobs first. Like from your ankle to your knee on one leg. This will help you get your technique right before waxing the whole banana, so to speak. Use a depilatory cream that rinses off in the shower to make cleanup easier. Be VERY careful to keep the cream away from your scrote. Do chemically burned nards sound fun?
Timing is crucial with depilation. You want to give the cream enough time to complete its work (5-15 minutes), but not so much time that it starts to eat you along with your hair (20-25 minutes). Practice on small areas, like half of one leg, until you are confident with your timing.
I recommend trimming with the guard off. As long as you don't push the trimmer into squishy areas (scrote), it won’t cut you. Trim everything from the neck down, except your nards and arms. This will leave you with <1/8” (<3mm) of hair everywhere.
Make sure to do that somewhere that is easy to clean up. Like a bath tub.
As for nards, they are up to personal preference. I prefer to keep a little triangle bush of ~1/4” (~6mm) hair. Others fancy a landing strip or nothing at all. Whatever your preference, make sure to trim the parts you want to shave as much as possible before you shave them.
Arm hair is an often overlooked part of feminizing your body. I don't shave mine. It looks a little weird, especially when the stubble starts coming in. And, after all, XX women have plenty of arm hair. I trim mine down to the 1/8” (3mm) to 1/4" (6mm) range. This thins it out to look more feminine without making me look I have alopecia.
I don’t really recommend depilation because it’s kind of dangerous. You can give yourself chemical burns, forfucksake. But, if you require desperate measures, it can be a life saver. Trim first to make the cream more effective. If this is your first time, do small jobs first. Like from your ankle to your knee on one leg. This will help you get your technique right before waxing the whole banana, so to speak. Use a depilatory cream that rinses off in the shower to make cleanup easier. Be VERY careful to keep the cream away from your scrote. Do chemically burned nards sound fun?
Timing is crucial with depilation. You want to give the cream enough time to complete its work (5-15 minutes), but not so much time that it starts to eat you along with your hair (20-25 minutes). Practice on small areas, like half of one leg, until you are confident with your timing.
Shaving
Okay bois and gurls, it’s time to crack out the razor and cream. Here’s the basic battle plan with shaving:
You probably want to shave in the shower or the bath. The warm water helps to lubricate your skin and soften the hairs. It just makes for a much more pleasant shaving experience. If you can’t get into a tub, make sure you have plenty of water to work with.
Multi-blade razors are great for covering large areas of your body. I like to use Venus brand razors from Gillette. They have a model with soap strips on either side of the razors. Those are GREAT if you’re just starting off (they’re designed for preteen girls, but they shave well). You can just as easily use any other multi-blade razor, whether it's a Mach 5 or a generic knock off. Just make sure to get more than 3 blades.
You want to use the multi-blade on places that are easy to reach. Make sure you use plenty of shaving cream. Start with your feet (DON’T FORGET YOUR TOES) and work your way up to your inner thigh. Skip your pubes and shave your chest, then your armpits, then your arms if you’re going there (srsly, you should just trim them).
If you’re really new to shaving your body, start with your leg from your ankle to your knee. Lather up with cream, then use long strokes from your knee to your ankle all the way around your leg. With the left over cream, re-shave with strokes from your ankle to your knee. This with-the-grain-then-against-the-grain motion will get you super smooth. Then repeat this process everywhere else you want to shave.
Now the pubes. The only place you want to use a big razor is on your bush (north of your junk, south of your belly button). Trim the parts you want to shave, lather them up with shaving cream, then shave WITH the grain only. Give your pubes a day or two to rest before you try to shave them any closer. Pube skin is hypersensitive, and you’re going to give yourself a really unsexy rash if you shave them wrong. So go slowly, and don’t shave against the grain until your skin is used to being shaved with the grain.
If you’re like me, you’re not done yet. You have to shave the twig and berries, and probably your crack too. That’s exactly what the little razor is for. Lather up everything and go to town, remembering to shave only with the grain until your skin is used to it. Remember, pull your skin TIGHT when you are shaving. This keeps the razor from catching on your skin (owch peen cuts), and gives you an overall closer shave.
Balls seem hard to shave, but they’re not. Just pull on your sack and be careful not to cut yourself. There isn’t really a “grain” to ball hair, so pretty much any direction is okay.
Butt cracks and taints are damn difficult to shave. You will probably have to do some yoga poses to reach everything you want to shave. I usually put a leg up on the edge of the tub, pull one cheek to the side, and shave away from the brown eye. Repeat on the other side. A similar pose is required to shave my gooch, but it such a personal and surreal posture that I won’t even try to explain it. Bend around and figure out what works for you.
NEVER EVER SHAVE ACROSS YOUR ANUS. You can shave away from your anus. You can shave parallel to your crack. But never ever ever drag a razor across your anus.
Now get out of the shower and put lotion everywhere a razor touched. I like simple lotions that don't leave a greasy finish or a scent. Examples of this are Palmer’s Cocoa Butter (my favorite), Lubriderm, and Eucerin. You may want like something else. Ask your girlfriends what they use.
- Get in the shower.
- Use a multi-blade razor and plenty of shaving cream to cover large areas
- Use a single/double blade razor for shaving hard to reach places
- Get out of the shower and put lotion everywhere you shaved.
- Now let’s get into the nitty gritty details.
You probably want to shave in the shower or the bath. The warm water helps to lubricate your skin and soften the hairs. It just makes for a much more pleasant shaving experience. If you can’t get into a tub, make sure you have plenty of water to work with.
Multi-blade razors are great for covering large areas of your body. I like to use Venus brand razors from Gillette. They have a model with soap strips on either side of the razors. Those are GREAT if you’re just starting off (they’re designed for preteen girls, but they shave well). You can just as easily use any other multi-blade razor, whether it's a Mach 5 or a generic knock off. Just make sure to get more than 3 blades.
You want to use the multi-blade on places that are easy to reach. Make sure you use plenty of shaving cream. Start with your feet (DON’T FORGET YOUR TOES) and work your way up to your inner thigh. Skip your pubes and shave your chest, then your armpits, then your arms if you’re going there (srsly, you should just trim them).
If you’re really new to shaving your body, start with your leg from your ankle to your knee. Lather up with cream, then use long strokes from your knee to your ankle all the way around your leg. With the left over cream, re-shave with strokes from your ankle to your knee. This with-the-grain-then-against-the-grain motion will get you super smooth. Then repeat this process everywhere else you want to shave.
Now the pubes. The only place you want to use a big razor is on your bush (north of your junk, south of your belly button). Trim the parts you want to shave, lather them up with shaving cream, then shave WITH the grain only. Give your pubes a day or two to rest before you try to shave them any closer. Pube skin is hypersensitive, and you’re going to give yourself a really unsexy rash if you shave them wrong. So go slowly, and don’t shave against the grain until your skin is used to being shaved with the grain.
If you’re like me, you’re not done yet. You have to shave the twig and berries, and probably your crack too. That’s exactly what the little razor is for. Lather up everything and go to town, remembering to shave only with the grain until your skin is used to it. Remember, pull your skin TIGHT when you are shaving. This keeps the razor from catching on your skin (owch peen cuts), and gives you an overall closer shave.
Balls seem hard to shave, but they’re not. Just pull on your sack and be careful not to cut yourself. There isn’t really a “grain” to ball hair, so pretty much any direction is okay.
Butt cracks and taints are damn difficult to shave. You will probably have to do some yoga poses to reach everything you want to shave. I usually put a leg up on the edge of the tub, pull one cheek to the side, and shave away from the brown eye. Repeat on the other side. A similar pose is required to shave my gooch, but it such a personal and surreal posture that I won’t even try to explain it. Bend around and figure out what works for you.
NEVER EVER SHAVE ACROSS YOUR ANUS. You can shave away from your anus. You can shave parallel to your crack. But never ever ever drag a razor across your anus.
Now get out of the shower and put lotion everywhere a razor touched. I like simple lotions that don't leave a greasy finish or a scent. Examples of this are Palmer’s Cocoa Butter (my favorite), Lubriderm, and Eucerin. You may want like something else. Ask your girlfriends what they use.
Epilation
This is totally optional, but totally worth it if you can afford it. Epilation is using a little tweezer machine to remove a lot of hairs at the follicle. It has the effect of killing off your hairs over time, so they never grow back. I’ve never been able to get totally smooth using my epilator, but it makes maintenance way easier.
Get a good epilator. I use an Emjoi Emagine, which is super fancy with lots and lots of tweezer heads. Cheaper models might work for you. It may be worth a shot if you don’t want to sink $100 on something you may not like.
Epilation is fucking painful. You get used to it after a while. But the sensation is unlike any other. Imagine having all your hairs plucked out very quickly and you get the idea. Also, your skin will not like it AT ALL until you get used to it. You will get a little red bump on every follicle you pluck, so don’t do it RIGHT before you have to look sexy. You will also itch like hell when they start growing back in (you’ll want lotion).
Epilation is also pretty time consuming. It takes me 30-45 minutes to do my entire body.
Epilation technique is difficult. Every single part of your body will require a different kind of stroke, so you’ll need to experiment. I prefer short, fast strokes, and I usually go over the same patch about 5 times.
But despite all that, it’s totally worth it. After doing it for a couple of months, I noticed I had remarkably less hair all over my body. This made it much easier to stay smooth since there wasn’t as much to shave. I do recommend it.
Get a good epilator. I use an Emjoi Emagine, which is super fancy with lots and lots of tweezer heads. Cheaper models might work for you. It may be worth a shot if you don’t want to sink $100 on something you may not like.
Epilation is fucking painful. You get used to it after a while. But the sensation is unlike any other. Imagine having all your hairs plucked out very quickly and you get the idea. Also, your skin will not like it AT ALL until you get used to it. You will get a little red bump on every follicle you pluck, so don’t do it RIGHT before you have to look sexy. You will also itch like hell when they start growing back in (you’ll want lotion).
Epilation is also pretty time consuming. It takes me 30-45 minutes to do my entire body.
Epilation technique is difficult. Every single part of your body will require a different kind of stroke, so you’ll need to experiment. I prefer short, fast strokes, and I usually go over the same patch about 5 times.
But despite all that, it’s totally worth it. After doing it for a couple of months, I noticed I had remarkably less hair all over my body. This made it much easier to stay smooth since there wasn’t as much to shave. I do recommend it.
Maintenance
Your hair will keep growing. If you want to stay smooth you’re going to have to do something about it. Here are your options.
The first option isn’t good for long term smoothness, but it works well if you want to only be femme some of the time. Nuke your hair once, then let it grow back out until you want to be smooth again. Since nuking your hair in the first place requires a lot of time, I don’t recommend this strategy even for those of you who are in the closet.
A better strategy is to keep everything trimmed, and shave your hairier parts periodically. This lets you keep up on your trouble spots without totally committing to being smooth. This should work pretty well if you’re in the closet too, considering most of the trouble zones for XYs are covered by pants.
The best strategy is to stay smooth all the time (because you want to, c’mon) by shaving a little bit every day. If you take about 5 minutes in the shower every day to shave one or two parts of your body, then getting totally smooth for a date will probably only take you 10-20 minutes tops. If you take 5 minutes every couple of days to epilate, this gets even easier.
The first option isn’t good for long term smoothness, but it works well if you want to only be femme some of the time. Nuke your hair once, then let it grow back out until you want to be smooth again. Since nuking your hair in the first place requires a lot of time, I don’t recommend this strategy even for those of you who are in the closet.
A better strategy is to keep everything trimmed, and shave your hairier parts periodically. This lets you keep up on your trouble spots without totally committing to being smooth. This should work pretty well if you’re in the closet too, considering most of the trouble zones for XYs are covered by pants.
The best strategy is to stay smooth all the time (because you want to, c’mon) by shaving a little bit every day. If you take about 5 minutes in the shower every day to shave one or two parts of your body, then getting totally smooth for a date will probably only take you 10-20 minutes tops. If you take 5 minutes every couple of days to epilate, this gets even easier.
Recap
Okay, here’s the tl;dr
- Trim everything with a beard trimmer without a guard. (You may want to depilate [Nair, Veet, etc] at this point to)
- Use a big razor (3-5 blades) to shave all the big portions of you body (ie not your junk)
- Use a small razor to get into those hard to reach places (peen, scrote, gooch, etc)
- Lotion the shit out of yourself, fool.
- Epilate when the hair starts to grow back to make maintenance easier (or not, up to you)
- Shave a little bit every day in the shower to keep it all up. Epilate to get on my level.
Follow these steps, and you’ll be smooth in no time for all time.